About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
