If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
