i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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