Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
