I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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