She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
