I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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