Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
