Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
