The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
