I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
