hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
