Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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