Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
