4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
