youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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