you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
