Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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