Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
