i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
