addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Randomize
