I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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