Moan for me like Helen Keller
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
