I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
