well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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