You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
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Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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