i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
