dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We need a shit load of segways right now
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Randomize
