Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
