We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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