when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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