The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
its liver damage thursday
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
