I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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