So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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