i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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