If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
