I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
