I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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