I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
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you will always have a special place in my vag
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
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THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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