So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can't turn off my feet"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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