So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm always down for nudity.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
