Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
