hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
