It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
