you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
