you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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