so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
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If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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