he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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