My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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