Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
