Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
God, I missed his penis.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
