I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
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After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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