Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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