dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
