i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
