College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i drank out of a bidet.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
