How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
