I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
