Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
