Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
