yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
