Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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