Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Found your dick twin last night
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
