It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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