You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
