i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
