Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
