but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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