I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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