Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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