The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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