very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize