Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
