I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
