You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
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shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
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You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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