i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
