this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
