My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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