every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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