There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
ttyl tear gas
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
