i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
