apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
