If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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